Galadriel v/o- You know, you totally screwed that up. Well, I guess I can skip over the part about all the rings now. Lets see. The elves and dudes formed an alliance against Sauron, and Isildork took up his father's sword, but Sauron broke it and Isildork cut off Sauron's finger which had the ring on it and Sauron blew up or something and everyone fell down and Isildork kept the ring-
GirlMeowth- Slow down, slow down! We just saw the Last Alliance of Elves and Men in three seconds! I thought you usually said things kinda slowly.
Galadriel v/o- Hey, who's doing this voice over, you or me? Thats what I thought. As I was saying, the ring betrayed Isildork and he died and everyone forgot the ring and Gollum picked it up but his real name was Sméagol and he fought with Deagol for it and it was picked up by a hobbit named Bilbo Baggins who has a really funny name because it sounds like-
GirlMeowth- Okay, thats enough, Cate! Lets cut to the Shire.
Frodo- *Waiting impatiently by the tree*
*Gandalf the Checkered's cart comes up*
Frodo- Gandalf! *Runs a little too fast, jumps into the road ahead of the cart. Gandalf does not see him, and runs over him.*
GirlMeowth- Cut! I think Elijah's going to need some pain killers.
Elijah- Ow.
*Take two*
Frodo- *Asleep by tree*
*Gandalf's cart comes, and goes past*
Frodo- *Finally wakes up* What the-? Damn pain killers! Why didnt I get the non-drowsy ones!? *Chases after Gandalf* Man, *bleep* this. *Goes back to tree.*
Gandalf- *Comes back* I did it all for the nookie!-
Frodo- You're late.
Gandalf- A wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins. Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to.
*The dreaded Cris and Mel appear.*
Cris- Whaddaya mean "he"!? What about she-wizards!? I should- *Waves "staff" at him.*
Mel- Shut up, and put the hockey stick away.
Cris- Fine. *Tosses it, glass shattering is heard in the background, followed by ranting and raving.*
*Frodo and Gandalf start laughing. Frodo attempts to jump into the cart and Gandalf pulls it forward. Frodo lands in the road.*
Frodo- Ian!
Gandalf- *Laughing at him* I'm not Ian, Im Gandalf!
GirlMeowth- Cut! Ian!
Ian- Oh, sh*t.
Elijah- *Laughs at him*
*Take three*
Frodo- Blah, blah, blah, you know the parts.
Gandalf- Blah blah blah. Can we do all our lines like this?
*Frodo jumps into the cart and hugs Gandalf.*
Sam- *Appearing out of nowhere* NOOOOO-
*Frodo proceeds to hug the cart, the horse, the ground, a sign they pass, a lady bug...*
Sam- OOO- nevermind. *Walks away*
Gandalf- And they wonder why I don't come here much.
Frodo- Speaking of which, you've been labeled a disturber of the peace.
Gandalf- Really? *Turns off strobe lights and rave music.* If you're talking about the incident with the dragon, I was barely involved. All I did was give your uncle a nudge out of the door.
Frodo- Dragon? Bilbo always told me it was a two-headed magenta squirrel.
Gandalf- ...Any chance he was smoking weed at the time?
Frodo- I dont kn-
Gandalf- Can I have some?
Frodo- -_-.
*Hobbit kids run up*
Kids- Fireworks, Gandalf!
Gandalf- Sorry kids, I cant spare any. But here, have a gollum!
*Grabs Gollum from out of nowhere and shoves it toward the kids.*
Kids- Ew, we don't want that thing!
Mel- We'll take that. *Grabs Gollum*
Kids- What else do you have?
Gandalf- Toothbrushes and change.
Kids- That's boring. Give us something different!
Gandalf- How about some chocolate?
Cris- *To kids* Caramel, cherry, and razor covered! Yum!
Kids- We aren't sposed to take candy from strangers. Dont you have anything else?
Gandalf- No. *Then he, Cris, and Mel get really evil looks on their faces and shove Frodo out of the cart onto the kids, who carry him away.*
Kids- Yay, we got a frodo!
Girl kid- I'm going to put it in my pretty pink dress and have tea parties with it!
Frodo- NOOOOOOO!
*Suddenly Sam swings in on a vine and making Tarzan noises. He grabs Frodo, drops him back in the cart, and swings away.*
Frodo- *Calls after him* Thanks, Sam! But I had to leave anyway. *So he jumps out of the cart and leaves, trying to outrun the hobbit kids.*
*Gandalf goes to Bilbos house and bangs on the door with his staff.*
Bilbo- We dont want any well-wishers, visitors, distant relations, or very old friends!
Gandalf- And what about- oh, just open the door!
Bilbo- Gandalf! Want some Jiffy?
Gandalf- Just tea. *He hits his head on chandelier, wall, and then something hits him.* What the-
Cris- *Lowers her foot.* I told ya I'd do something.
Gandalf- You followed me all the way here?
Mel- No, we both did.
Bilbo- I having a party! I gonna be four years old!
Cris- Ooh, can we come?
Bilbo- Sure! And I'm gonna leave Frodo the ring!
Mel- Ooh, can I have your stereo?
Bilbo- I feel like butter, scraped over too much bread.
Mel- Mmm, butter.
Cris- Mmm, bread.
Gandalf- Mmm, over. *They all look over at him* What?
Bilbo- I'm going to take a holiday and I dont expect I shall return. In fact, I mean not to.
*Bilbo and Gandalf are sitting outside smoking weed.*
Bilbo- Woo, fingers are sooo cool, man...
Gandalf- Hehehe, lookit the colors...
Bilbo- *Blows smoke ring.*
Gandalf- *Blows smoke W, H, R, and E around it.*
Bilbo- Gandalf, my old friend, this will be a night to remember.
Cris- *Falls out of her hiding place laughing because that quote just does not sound right.*
*At the party*
Cris- *Doing the chicken dance.*
Mel- Hey, dont steal Frodo's part!
Cris- Actually, I was the one who taught him to dance.
Mel- *Whips out agenda* Cancel dance lessons with Cris...
Cris- *Goes up to Sam* Go on Sam, ask Frodo for a dance!
Sam- I think Ill just have another ale.
Cris- Perhaps you misheard. I didnt say Rosie, I said Frodo.
Sam- *Jumps up* Okay! *Grabs Frodo and dances off with him*
Frodo- When I get free, I am so gonna kick you in the head, Cris.
Mel- And what have we learned?
Cris- To be nice to people, but dont screw with Frodo?
Mel- Close enough.
*Merry and Pippin- Yay!- get out a reeeeally big firework and set it off inside a tent and it it blows up and turns into a dragon.*
*Everyone jumps down and the dragon explodes*
Bilbo- Augh! We killed the dragon!
Frodo- How much weed did you have today?
Pippin- That was good!
Merry- Lets get another one!
Gandalf- *Grabs their ears* Meriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took. I should've known. I was gonna make you wash dishes but-
*Cris and Mel are playing frisbee with the plates*
Gandalf- -I think I'll just let Cris and Mel decide what to do with you two.
*Mel grabs Merry and Cris grabs Pippin, and they put leashes on the two hobbits.*
Mel- I've always wanted my own hobbit.
Cris- Me, too!
Bilbo- I like three fourths of half of you twice as well as you dont deserve, and you like me thrice as knowing two-thirds of them when they deserve half of the weed!
Hobbits- *Very, very, very confused.*
Bilbo- Buh-bye! *Puts on ring and, duh duh dah dah!- disappears*