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*Bilbo walks back to his house, invisible. A door is shown. A thud
is heard.*
Bilbo- Ow! Oh, right, I gotta open it first. *Opens door, goes inside, takes off ring and puts it in his pocket.
He goes into the next room and Gandalf is there.*
Gandalf- I suppose you think that was terribly clever.
Bilbo- *Still
very high* Hehehehe- what?
Gandalf- And I'm over here. Quit talking to the chair.
Bilbo- *Mumbing* Chair's better company
than YOU are.
Gandalf- What's that?
Bilbo- Cheezits are funnier than shoes are.
Gandalf- Whatever, just leave Frodo
the ring.
Bilbo- No! I dont feel like parting with it! It's mine, it came to me!
Gandalf- Don't get all pissed.
Bilbo-
Well, if I'm angry it's Jigglypuff's fault!
Gandalf- I think you should lay off on the ring. Or at least the pipe weed.
Bilbo-
You just want it for yourself!
Gandalf- Do not take me for some conjurer of cheap tricks!
*Shows Bilbo's POV. Gandalf
is wearing a disco outfit, has a yellow smiley face for a head, lizards are all around doing the macarena, and everything
is very blurry.*
Bilbo- *Smokes some weed* Nope, I sure dont.
Gandalf- Now go away.
Bilbo- Make me!
*Gandalf throws
him outside.*
Bilbo- Um, hehe, um... um... dont tell me... um... ow. Yeah, that's it. Ow.
Gandalf- Bilbo, the ring is
still in your pocket.
Bilbo- Want it? Go get it! *Throws it onto the roof.*
Gandalf- &#$%-ing hobbit.
Bilbo-
I thought up an ending for my book. "Frankly, my dear, I dont give a damn."
Gandalf- Er-
Bilbo- *Already started off
toward Rivendell.* I did it all for the nookie! Come on! The nookie! Come on! So you can take that cookie and stick it up
your-
*Gandalf is sitting my fire. Whispers of things such as "My precious" are heard. Mel falls out of her hiding place,
holding a megaphone set on "Possessed by the Ring voice."*
Gandalf- You girls arent very good at hiding, are you?
Mel-
We're good at hiding, it's just that we seem to have a problem with falling.
*Outside Frodo decides to get on the roof
for no reason at all. He finds the ring!*
Frodo- *Runs in* Hey, looky! I got a priiiizzze!
Mel- For what?
Frodo-
Best roof climber.
Cris- *Appearing* Bilbo's ring!
Gandalf- *Glares* He's gone to stay with the elves.
Cris- I would,
too, but they scare me.
Mel- No, you're thinking of Nazgūl.
Cris- Oh, yes. I always get mixed up.
Gandalf- I gotta
leave. There are questions that need answering.
Frodo- But you've only just arrived!
Gandalf- You're right. Lets see,
leave, or stay here with these two nutcases? Which would you choose? *Leaves and goes to the White City. Gollum is being totured
and screams out "Ssshire! Bagginsss!" Cris and Mel kick the crap out of whomever is torturing him. Gandalf starts reading
something. It says:
Captain's Log:
Star Date 13-32-9000.
Meow meow meow meow meow
meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow MEOW!
-Isildork.*
Gandalf- This guy's a few corn dogs shy of a picnic.
*Black Rider
goes up to guy*
Black Rider- Ssshhhiire. Baaagiinnnss...
Hobbit- They're in Hobbiton.
Black Rider- ...
Hobbit-
*Sigh* Okay, you go four blocks down, take a left until you come to...
*Frodo goes into his house. Gandalf sneaks up on
him.*
Gandalf- Is it secret!? Is it safe!?
*Frodo holds out envelope containing ring. Gandalf grabs it and throws it
into the fire. However, Frodo is still holding it.*
Frodo- *Lands in the fireplace* AUGH! AUGH! MY HAIR'S ON FIRE! *Runs
around room, catching many other things fire.*
Gandalf- I should probably help him, but... nah! *Laughs at him.*
Ring-
HelLO! I'm not getting any hotter here!
*Gandalf extinguishes Frodo and hands him the ring.*
Frodo- Wow, it was right,
it's not even warm!
Gandalf- Can you see anything?
Frodo- There are letters. It's some form of elvish, but I can't read
it.
Gandalf- There are few who can. The language is that of Mordor. In the common tongue, it says, "Mordor rulez! East
side!"
Frodo- Wasnt Sauron destroyed?
Gandalf- His spirit endured. Now you gotta leave, cos the ring isnt safe here.
I gotta leave, too. Gotta see some really creepy guy.
*Rustling*
Gandalf- *Kicks something outside the window in the
head. Drags in Sam.* Confound it all, Samwise Gamgee! Have you been eavesdropping?
Cris- *Who is still there* No, he has
checking out Frodo!
Mel- *Also still there* Will you quit it with the Frodo Sam slash!?
Sam- I heard about a labyrinth
and goblin king and jellicles and a junkyard and Darth Vader and-
Gandalf- Huh?
Sam- I was listening to those two crazy
girls. Dont turn me into anything unnatural! Isnt that the BEST line?
Gandalf- I'm gonna make you carry Frodo's shiznit
and go with him to Rivendell. First go to village of Bree. Frodo, you shall be known as Barbara Walters.
Frodo- Riiiight.
*Gandalf
leaves*
*Sam and Frodo are in the field.*
Sam- If I take one more step, it'll be the farthest from home I've ever been.
Frodo-
Fascinating. *Not at all fascinated.* Remember what Bilbo used to say. "The donkeys are coming!"
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