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*Merry sits down with a pint.*
Pippin- What's that?
Merry- This, my friend, is a pint!
Pippin-
It comes in pints? I'm getting one!
*Pippin gets his pint and downs it, then goes to the bar for a refill.*
Sam- *Doing
cartwheels* That dude in the corner keeps staring at us.
Frodo- *Swallows sword* That's weird. Hey, Butterbur!
Butterbur-
What?
Frodo- That man in the corner, who is he?
Butterbur- He's one of them rangers. Round here he's known as Stripper.
Sam-
I think you mean Strider.
*At the bar*
Bartender- Look, how many times have I got to tell you, we don't serve free
refills!
Pippin-
*Kicks him in the head* You give me my damn refill, or I get my friend
to wail on you! He's a BAGGINS!
Yeah, I know
a Baggins! Frodo Baggins! He's my uncle's brother's half-sister's
dog's son's owner's second cousin
twice removed,
on his mother's brother's grandfather's aunt's nephew's side!
Sam- *Still doing tricks* I will now make crap disappear!
This table!
*Table disappears*
Crowd- Ooh...
Sam- This chair!
*Chair disappears*
Crowd- Ahh...
Sam- And
for my final act, I shall need my lovely assistant to assist my on my
act.
Frodo- Don't call me that, and stop being
so freaking repetitive.
Sam- Just put the ring on.
Frodo- Okay. *Puts on the ring and disappears.*
Crowd- Ohh...
*Frodo
crawls over to Strider, tired of Sam and his tricks.*
Sam- Now I shall make him reappear!
*...*
Sam- Frodo! You're
supposed to be reappearing!
*This causes an uproar, and Strider drags Frodo away*
Strider- You draw far too much attention
to yourself, Mr. Walters. I can avoid
being seen, *Thinks of last year's
New Year's party, and wonders if Arwen will
ever speak to him again* but to
disappear completely, that's just
weird.
*The other three hobbits come in*
Cris-
Can you take them to Rivendell?
Mel- Can we come?
Both- PLEASEPLEASEPLEASPLEASPLEAPELAEPLAEPAPELEPAEAEPLSPEAS?
Strider-
Um, fine, but I think you were starting to misspell please.
Cris- Yeah, that happens when you talk real fast.
Strider-
Are they always this weird?
Frodo- Actually, they're acting kind of sane now.
*Ringwraiths stab a bunch of beds and
it seems the hobbits are in them but
they're really not.*
Pippin- I'm s'posed to ask about second breakfast.
Merry-
Okay ask.
Pippin- Ask what?
Merry- About second breakfast.
Pippin- What about it?
Merry- If you can have it.
Pippin-
Have what?
Merry- *Kicks Pippin in the head* Forget it!
*In Isengard, Saruman looks in his palantir*
Saruman- Mirror,
mirror, shaped like a ball. Who's the evilest of them all?
Orc- What are the orders from Mordor, my lord?
Saruman- Whopper,
no pickles, medium frie- wait, Mordor? Let's see. We gotta cut
down a bunch of trees.
Orc- Okay.
*The Ringwraiths,
thanks to the stupid hobbits and their lighting a fire-*
Sam- It was Cris and Mel's idea!
Girls- *Grin* Sure was!
*-find
the hobbits and Strider at Weathertop.*
Frodo- *To Ringwraith* Looky! I have a sword! (Actually, it's a daggerish thing
that's like a sword to a hobbit, but
I'm not telling him that!) Ho! Ha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Thrust!
*Falls
over backward* Hmm,
something amiss here. *Puts on ring* Ho, ha, guard, turn, parry, dodge, spin,
thrust!
*Ringwraith
stabs him*
Frodo- Got it! I mean- AUUUGH! *Takes off ring and screams some more. Strider
comes in and lights stuff
on fire.
Ringwraiths go away.*
Strider- He's been stabbed with a Morgul blade. He needs elfish medicine.
Mel- Why
not have Cris and myself heal him?
Strider- Because I don't trust either of you any further than I can throw you.
*In
Isengard*
Gandalf- *Whispers something to a moth*
*Uruk-Hai kicks Orc in the head and ends up killing him.*
Saruman-
Coooool.
Orc #1- Excellent, work!
Orc #2- A triumph!
Orc #3- He's okay.
Saruman- Okay? I think we can do better
than that. Hey, Gandalf!
Gandalf- *Yells down* What do you want?
Saruman- What do you think of the Uruk-Hai?
Gandalf-
I don't like things with... too much mud.
Saruman- *Gets all huffy* I didn't make him... FOR YOU!
*Meanwhile*
Strider-
Sam, get some weed for Frodo.
*Sam and Strider go off in search of weed, leaving Merry and Pippin to keep Mel
and Cris
away from Frodo.*
Arwen- *Points sword at Strider*
Strider- Dude, Glorfindel, you're not a dude!
Arwen- I'm Arwen,
you dolt, and I know what you did last New Year's.
Strider- Crap.
Arwen- I don't appreciate you stealing my lampshade,
so I'm going to steal
something of yours! *Rides off on her
horse with Frodo*
Strider- Well, at least he'll get
to Rivendell quickly.
*Ringwraiths start chasing Arwen. She crosses a river.*
Ringwraiths- Give up the halfling!
Arwen-
You want him? Come and claim him! *River floods, but instead of knocking
away the Ringwraiths, it
knocks away Arwen,
but not Frodo or the horse for some reason.*
Glorfindel- I'll save you, Frodo!
People who have read the book- Yay, Glorfindel!
*Glorfindel
takes Frodo to Rivendell.*
Girlmeowth- At this point, I would like for it to be known that I am not among
those who
hate Arwen because she
stole Glorfindel's part, or hate her for any other reason, but I've seen a
heckuva lotta people
who seem to prefer
Glorfindel, so that's why I put him in. Know who I do hate? Rosie. Because-
well, nevermind. And
hey, while I'm
here, I'll say some more schitt! My friend Suki is helping me with this. Thanks
everyone for your lovely
reviews.
One part in this parody was based off something that happened in an epsiode of
Titus. Another part was based
off a
Weird Al song. Another part was based off a Looney Tunes episode. I think that
is it.
People reading this
parody- Zzzzz... Huh? What?
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